Don't Neglect His Love

Why is it that we can experience a feeling of complete wholeness from God, but then are so quick to trade that in for something earthly?

I recently had a conversation with a friend where we discussed our past mistakes and how easy it was to fall back into bad habits. The more we talked, the more I felt an overwhelming empathy for this friend because she was expressing many of the same feelings and struggles I had gone through a year ago-- apathy, lust, forlornness-- general spiritual weakness. Despite our love for God, we were both very quick to replace Him with other, easily accessible things in our lives. We talked about how often the hardest thing to admit to is a loss of footing on your spiritual walk. It's simple enough to confess a sin and say you're sorry, because to err is human; but, to have to admit to flailing in your faith is much more challenging. Not only are you saying you're weak to your sins, but that you're not completely sure how to overcome them-- that they're beginning to swallow you up and it might just be easier to let them. Especially when God is being quiet. It's not even that He's being silent; sometimes He's practically shouting, but we fail to hear Him over the din of our own self-produced mess. Then we complain that He isn't reaching out to us. It's just that sometimes, my flesh is weak and my spirit isn't that willing.

However, in recent months I've learned that I can't just sit back and expect God to cater to my every whim. Like any other relationship, this one needs to have active efforts from both parties. It takes work. It takes time. It takes effort and love and attention. Neglecting my relationship with God had a direct negative affect on my relationship with God. Go figure. Sorry for neglecting you, Jesus.

denial

[I wrote this a long time ago, and never posted it, so here it is.. I'm now 2 weeks away from Thanksgiving break, and in just as much denial, if not more; however, I also haven't thought about this in a while because I've been so distracted by everything going on around me. This means 1) hopefully, I'm accomplishing my goal of sponge-itude and 2) I'm terrified the end of the year is going to sneak up on me whilst distracted and unaware.]

Well, here I am, right smack in the middle of my second week of my senior year of college. HOW, WHEN, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I can remember with notable amounts of detail my very first day of NSO--being overwhelmed by all those orientation leaders and their love for Pepperdine, meeting my first roommate (while the NSO leaders chanted something along the lines of "two souls, meeting for the first time, to be forever tied by the bonds of roommate-hood"), setting up our sherbet-colored room, naming our plants, thinking 'I can't believe I'm lucky enough to spend the next 4 years living my life like this.'

And now those 4 years are coming to a close. I'm in denial. I don't want to believe I might one day have to leave this place where I've learned, laughed, cried, stressed; where I've grown; where I've gained friends and influences I can only consider huge blessings. Pepperdine is home and the thought of leaving it makes me homesick already.

Now I have graduated friends in China and sophomore friends studying overseas and freshmen friends who are just beginning their college journey; and I can't help but be jealous of them all for completely different reasons. But I realize I need to focus on where I am, revel, absorb everything. I will be a sponge.

"I dont care how poor you are--if you have family, you're rich."

It's 9pm and all 7 of my house's current occupants (excluding myself) are in bed. This is because 5 of them are my family visiting from Virginia and North Carolina, 1 is sick, and 1 is a husband who must attend to said sick household member. This leaves me with few options-- read a book in the bathroom (the only room sans sleepers), facebook stalk my future fellow Summer Staffers that I'll actaully get to meet in person in 4 days (already done), or blog. Heyoh, guess which one I picked.

Topic of the night: family.
I come from a big family-- 2 sisters, 1 brother, 12 aunts, 12 uncles, too many cousins to count, 6 nieces, 4 nephews, and 1 grand-nephew (that's right. one of my nieces has a baby). Family events (which include but are not limited to: First Communions, birthday parties, weddings, camping trips, Angels games, and most holidays) are massive gatherings where the noise level is never below a dull roar and you almost always have someone's baby in your arms and you eat more food than you thought humanly possible in a 5 hour time span. I relish those things. There's nothing I love more than spending time with my family because no matter how long it's been since you last saw them or even if you just met them, they are always excited to hear about what you've been up to; they're ready to laugh at your jokes (and of course their own too) and love on you like you've never been loved on before. That's what they're best at--loving. It doesn't matter if you say something hurtful or break something or are always late or end up fighting about some issue, serious or petty (and believe me, there are fights), because my family always always forgives each other and goes right back to loving you like nothing was ever wrong. They are protective but welcoming, stubborn but strong, flawed and yet, perfect. Everyone is everyone else's best friend. We make each other laugh and cry; we teach each other and learn from each other; we follow the examples set before us and we stand as our own examples for those below us. Sure, we have our moments where everything is insanity and we're at each other's throats, but then someone hands you a bowl of pozole and tells you to shut up and join in the game of Texas Hold 'Em and all that love comes rushing back. There's a resiliancy within them that humbles you and makes you feel safe at the same time. Spending time with my family means being surrounded by love (and food). Nothing better.

casey-shaped hole

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRD5EZzReO8

Next week I'm leaving for Young Life camp to be a summer staffer for 3 weeks. Recently I was sent this video from one of the leaders of the camp because some of the staff is going to be performing this for the campers each week.

I watched this video and sobbed.

It's such a beautiful thing knowing how much God loves us and how much He wants us to be happy and unburdened. It's also tragic to think about how often we ignore Him, how flippant we are about His laws for us, how we disregard His will and then blame Him when we run into trouble. A friend and I were once talking about how pastors and church leaders will always tell us how we all have a Jesus-shaped hole in our hearts. This is true. But then she went on to say, "You know, God has a Casey-shaped hole in His heart too." How humbling to know the Lord of everything yearns for me! And you! We're His everything and He should be ours in return.

I came across this verse today. I really like it.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39

I love that our God is such a loving, beautiful, and amazing God.  I'm so pumped for camp and the opportunity to share that with kids!

Lord, please bless this food to our bodies, and our bodies to Your service

Is it dumb to edit old posts? Because I just did. Not that anyone cares to go back and re-read my blogs. Or read them once, for that matter. Also, the title of this post is a prayer I heard on an episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman when he was in the boonies somewhere and they were about to feast on muskrat and raccoon. Anyway, I liked the prayer and intend on using it. Also, I liked that when Andrew asked one of the BBQ-ers if the raccoon tasted good he answered with a twangy, "Well, heck. Anything'll taste good if ya put enough bar-b-cue sauce on it."

Anyway, I just got back to Malibu after spending 4 days in Ontario and only making 2 recipes. Only one was actual baking. The other was rice. Mexican rice. It came out mushy. I don't know what's happening! I used to make fluffy rice and the last few times I've made it it's been mush. I'm losing my touch! The Mexican is seeping out of me! Someone send me to Mexico for a month! Or at least Riverside.

Okay, so the reason my rice came out mushy was because it had too much liquid, but when my grandma taught my mom how to make Mexican rice she didn't tell her how much water to put in. She just said "up to here" and stuck her finger in the pot, showing that the water level reached the first line on her index finger. She could do this because she always cooked the same amount of rice in the same pot. But since I don't know how much rice that was supposed to be for, and because I don't own grandma's rice pot, this cooking logic doesn't work for me. My mom wanted me to make rice for my aunt's 50th birthday party next week, but after the mush pot I made this weekend, my mom graciously said she'd just buy the rice from somewhere. I'll just bring my cupcakes and be Betty Crocker instead of a legitimate Mexican.

Well, next week my sister and some of her kids will be visiting from North Carolina and Virginia, so I'm going to make them some Wake Up! Cake. Recipe compliments of Mama Paprocki. I know you'll be eagerly anticipating it.

make cupcakes, not war

So the other night I was up watching mindless television, and because Food Network is one of my most unhealthy obsessions, the program was Cupcake Wars. It really is a dumb show, but I couldn't stop staring at the delectable looking cupcakes, all perfectly frosted and tempting me with their sugary goodness (the two ridiculously good looking lumberjacks that came out to make cupcake stands didn't hurt the show either). That, combined with a longing for the companionship of my top Cupcake Consuming Comrade, Rachel, gave me an itch to start a-bakin. Also, knowing in a few short days I'll be headed to camp for 3 weeks where I'll be taking up the position of Head Baker makes me a little nervous, so I want to get as much practice in as I can.

Now, because I am a poor college student (I hate to think about how much money I've made this summer and how 100% of it has gone to rent every month, so I won't), the baking can only take place when I am home in Ontario, where I can take advantage of a fully stocked cupboard. Oh, the glory of Pampered Chef accessories, Kitchen-Aid mixers, and knives that actually cut. So, the plan is to bake something, once a day, everyday I'm in Ontario. I already know this isn't likely, but I'm willing to try.

Enter the banana cupcake with peanut butter frosting and cinnamon garnish.

I love peanut butter; I love banana; I LOVE cinnamon. Hello, I loved these cupcakes. The frosting had a little too much butter in them and didn't spread very well. I tried tubing it out but it just looked like a big poo on top of my beautiful banana baby cake, so I resorted to just kind of globbing it on top. BUT they tasted really good and the frosting was all rich and melt-in-your-mouth-y. (Rach, you need to make these.)
More to come soon..

Those Darn Youngsters

So in order to get my rent paid (never on time, of course) I took up 3 babysitting jobs. I'm probably risking future employment by talking about them on the world wide web, but what the heck. Working for families such as these in an area such as this includes (mostly) wonderful children and overcommitted, over-stressed parents. Why someone would pay me well above minimum wage to play with their kids just so she can take a nap upstairs is beyond me. One family actually had me just making sure the kids weren't sitting in front of the computer or TV all day. What ever happened to the vacation part of summer? What's a vacation if not being a sloth on the couch, conserving all energy except when having to change the channel (you can call it being lazy, I'll call it being green). This energy was then stored into a reserve and saved for beach/water park days. But hey, if I have to resort to taking two very pleasant, polite, well-behaved and entertaining girls to Disneyland in order to make some money, so be it.
I think these wealthy moms have a learned helplessness of thinking they need all this help in order to do their work and watch their kids. I'm not sure they realize kids are VERY good at self-entertainment. I also think it's okay for brothers to wrestle around with each other sometimes. They're not going to kill each other. And even if one gets seriously injured it only makes for a great story later in life. Also, these kids are supplied with every game, craft, and activity under the sun. Oh my goodness. My childhood summers were full of hoses and VBS, the occasional trip to the beach and some camping, not to mention playdates galore. None of this new-craft-kit-everyday-5-different-summer-camps-and-someone-to-watch-your-every-move nonsense. But I guess I am already quickly becoming one of those old grandma's who preaches "back in my day"s to every passing ear.
Now, the problems with this job are that 1) sometimes I'll get called or cancelled on very last minute, which is annoying, to say the least and 2) because this is Malibu 2/3 of my families have left to spend July in Europe, which leaves me unemployed.
And so the days of laze begin. Since being unemployed I've taken to devoted and vigorous World Cup watching, gym ratting, and Oliver Twist reading. All three activities I heartily enjoy. The downside: the Cup is now over (and the final game wasn't even very exciting. bum.), I bake and eat more calories than I am expending at the gym each day, and I probably spend too much time inside (in my defense, the weather in Malibu has been cold and disappointing most days. We have to drive through the Canyon just to find enough sunshine to bask in).
The biggest upside to being in Malibu for the summer is getting to spend time with friends I might not have otherwise. The biggest downside--missing everyone who isn't here.

The Thrift Stores Were Closed

All we wanted was to go thrift store shopping. Amanda, Kira, Kaylani, Matt and myself were planning on trading in our old unwanted clothes for other people's old unwanteds. But in America, when a national holiday is on a weekend the community is given a corresponding weekday off from work. In this particular case, the anniversary of our nation's independence happened to fall on a Sunday, meaning all our dreams of Monday thrifting were crushed. As we sat in the kitchen wondering what we could do instead someone jokingly suggested we drive to San Francisco. There was a pause as we all considered it for realskies. Someone said "I'm down" and next thing I know the 5 of us are loaded into Manda's Toyota Corolla, headed north.
We drove and drove for 6 hours. Well, okay, Matt drove all the way there. But we all got to share in sitting in traffic while playing the "I'm going shopping and I'm buying Aruba, biscuits, cheese, dog etc." game. We also had a nice laugh at the car next to us sporting an Anime convention sign from the back windshield and a driver who had a stuffed Sonic the Hedgehog on his lap whom he would talk to, stroke, and help assist him in steering the car. No joke. We spent about 3 hours in the bay area that included surprising all the wonderful and gracious Morrows (minus one Sammy who had recently left for Korea) with our presence, getting late-night breakfast (a.k.a. Fatty Matties) at Dennys, and briefly passing out on Nic's couch before heading back to Malibu. Overall, successful and fun. I think spontaneity is one of those traits every college student comes to love and welcome, especially (and ironically enough) during high-stress times, like finals or summer school.

The Lower 48

The idea summer after junior year was met with considerably more relief than any previous college summer. The last two summers were viewed mostly with reluctance at having to leave behind the best years of my life. Junior year, however, was a different story. Not that it wasn't great, because all my Pepperdine years have been amazing, each in a completely different way; but it definitely held a higher contrasting stress-to-fun ratio than freshmen and sophomore years. And so summer (and by "summer" I mean late April) began, complete with the graduation of dear friends, Heidelberg reunions, and the promise of working Bible Lectures while donning the same 2 t-shirts all week long.
That last item on the agenda changed though, when I got an offer to drive to South Carolina with Kins for her brother's graduation from Clemson. Her family made it sound like I was doing them a huge favor by making sure their darling daughter made it across the country alive and, more importantly, on time for the graduation ceremony, but having someone offer to pay my way to complete one of my life-long dreams? Duh, yes, please and thank you!
The first leg of our trip was considerably dull-- desert, cacti, more desert, rocks, the occasional tumbleweed. From eastern California all the way until Eastern Oklahoma we experienced the sheer glory of desolate wastelands. By New Mexico I was shouting in excitement at giant walls of rock, for lack of anything else to look at on the side of the road. We did happen to pass one small ghost town, which we would have loved to explore, but as we were on a time crunch, we were forced to condense our itch to discover to a 70 mph drive-by. Gallop, New Mexico provided us with all it had to offer-- a pet-friendly motel and a boxy bed to sleep in for 5 hours before getting back on the road.

The panhandle of Texas sucks.

Welcome to Tulsa, land of John Kempe and his adorable family that was so kind as to let us stay the night there. We didn't get to see much of the city (or any of it for that matter), but I did have my first experience with Blue Bell Ice Cream. I wasn't disappointed.
Next stop: Memphis, Tennessee where Caroline and her wonderful family let us stay. We made a mandatory stop at what Caroline promised us was one of the more redneck Soncics in the area and indulged in Oreo shakes with extra Oreo. We were sent off with a Ziploc full of brownies and an atlas to help us along the way (prior to this we'd gotten a little bit lost since neither one of us had gotten directions before embarking on this journey).
Driving through AR, MI, AL, and GA, were all notably similar. But by this point Kins and I were so sick of desert we were reveling in the amount of trees and greenery. Beautiful! I'll admit, AR had the prettiest looking rivers and trees. I'm only sad we had to miss out on the World Famous Wal-Mart Museum. And did you know the Mississippi River is brown?
Finally we arrived in South Carolina, where we were not just on time for the graduation, but EARLY. You're welcome, Cronins. Also, a huge thanks to all those who fed and hydrated Kins and I along the way!
Now that I have 20 states under my belt, my dream of visiting all 50 is that much closer. Anyone feel like driving up to Alaska next summer?

Six on the Beach

Well, the more exciting overseas portion of this blog is done-zo, so I'm forced to resort to blogging about my everyday life. I'll warn you, though, it's not as exciting as the blogs of my dear friends who are preparing to embark on journeys to various bits of the world (not that I creepily and constantly check on their blogs or anything). Instead I'm confined to mostly Malibu and Calabasas. Although, I did manage to drive across the grand ol' United States in about 3 days with my dear friend Kinsey (warning: don't try to knit in the car while Kinsey's driving. She'll bite your head off and try to make you read aloud to her). And a couple days ago I got to embark on an impromptu turn-around trip to San Francisco. But all these things will come in later blogs. For now I'll explain the title of this post. I'm currently living in an adorable house (we like to call it Even Moore Haus) on PCH with 5 other people. Hence, the punny name (I can't take credit though. It was Hayley's brain child. But I stole it, due to her lack of blogging.). There are actually supposed to be 7 people total here, but one never showed up, so he has become the mysterious ghost of a roommate half of us have never even seen. It's okay though because that means we get to use his bathroom. The house and location are both amazing and every morning we all wake up in disbelief that we're actually spending the summer here. I've been working multiple babysitting jobs to get my rent in (never on time. whoops.) and hanging out with Lindsay Lohan before she leaves for the pen. Okay, not really. Basically, life here at the beach is wonderful and I have nothing to complain about. Future blogs will be more exciting, I promise!