Don't Neglect His Love

Why is it that we can experience a feeling of complete wholeness from God, but then are so quick to trade that in for something earthly?

I recently had a conversation with a friend where we discussed our past mistakes and how easy it was to fall back into bad habits. The more we talked, the more I felt an overwhelming empathy for this friend because she was expressing many of the same feelings and struggles I had gone through a year ago-- apathy, lust, forlornness-- general spiritual weakness. Despite our love for God, we were both very quick to replace Him with other, easily accessible things in our lives. We talked about how often the hardest thing to admit to is a loss of footing on your spiritual walk. It's simple enough to confess a sin and say you're sorry, because to err is human; but, to have to admit to flailing in your faith is much more challenging. Not only are you saying you're weak to your sins, but that you're not completely sure how to overcome them-- that they're beginning to swallow you up and it might just be easier to let them. Especially when God is being quiet. It's not even that He's being silent; sometimes He's practically shouting, but we fail to hear Him over the din of our own self-produced mess. Then we complain that He isn't reaching out to us. It's just that sometimes, my flesh is weak and my spirit isn't that willing.

However, in recent months I've learned that I can't just sit back and expect God to cater to my every whim. Like any other relationship, this one needs to have active efforts from both parties. It takes work. It takes time. It takes effort and love and attention. Neglecting my relationship with God had a direct negative affect on my relationship with God. Go figure. Sorry for neglecting you, Jesus.

denial

[I wrote this a long time ago, and never posted it, so here it is.. I'm now 2 weeks away from Thanksgiving break, and in just as much denial, if not more; however, I also haven't thought about this in a while because I've been so distracted by everything going on around me. This means 1) hopefully, I'm accomplishing my goal of sponge-itude and 2) I'm terrified the end of the year is going to sneak up on me whilst distracted and unaware.]

Well, here I am, right smack in the middle of my second week of my senior year of college. HOW, WHEN, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I can remember with notable amounts of detail my very first day of NSO--being overwhelmed by all those orientation leaders and their love for Pepperdine, meeting my first roommate (while the NSO leaders chanted something along the lines of "two souls, meeting for the first time, to be forever tied by the bonds of roommate-hood"), setting up our sherbet-colored room, naming our plants, thinking 'I can't believe I'm lucky enough to spend the next 4 years living my life like this.'

And now those 4 years are coming to a close. I'm in denial. I don't want to believe I might one day have to leave this place where I've learned, laughed, cried, stressed; where I've grown; where I've gained friends and influences I can only consider huge blessings. Pepperdine is home and the thought of leaving it makes me homesick already.

Now I have graduated friends in China and sophomore friends studying overseas and freshmen friends who are just beginning their college journey; and I can't help but be jealous of them all for completely different reasons. But I realize I need to focus on where I am, revel, absorb everything. I will be a sponge.