I Love

Well, I’ve finally moved in to Desi and Mike’s house in Orange County. And by “moved in” I mean I loaded my car with all my clothes, some of my shoes, and some accessories, realized nothing else was going to fit, and unloaded in Costa Mesa. (Rach Pap was kind enough to inform me that this means I have too many clothes. And also that it made her want more dresses.) I’ve spent every weekend thus far in Malibu visiting the boyf, so I haven’t gone back home to get the rest of my things. So I’ve been washing my hair with baby shampoo and using the same dulled razor for the past two weeks. But this weekend I intend to travel back to Ontario, land of my raising, to garner what I left behind. 

It’s really interesting living with so many little ones. I’ve never done that before. It’s always busy, but usually pretty fun. Josiah and Rosie are some of the funniest kids I know, and today Rose melted my heart when she pointed to me and said, "I love!" Gahhhh. 

A new addition to our daily routine here: yesterday Rosie started potty training. Day 1 went something like this: every 30 min a timer goes off and Rosie gets to sit on her little potty. She usually starts saying, “I’m doooone” as soon as she sits down. If she gives a little pee, she gets a little Skittle. No opposition to bribing here! But so far she has fought every potty sit. And then she finally peed. While standing on top of the toilet with the lid closed. That might not qualify her for a Skittle, but at least she’s getting closer.

This is the room where I'll be spending 4 mornings a week from now until June. Isn't it cute? That's only one side. The opposite side holds the play-doh and craft tables, as well as a sweeeet lofted playhouse/dress-up station. Oh, to be a two-year-old again. 

Oh, summer, where have you escaped to?

While Pepperdine is notorious for too-long summers, this one has felt surprisingly short. This summer has varied between super busy and completely dead. The biggest event that took place in May was Bible lectures. Party. Oh! And my cousin Diane got married! That was a fun wedding for sure! May also housed a couple spontaneous trips to middle California to meet up with Taylor who was working in Stockton at the time. The city of Avenal is now near and dear to my heart.

The end of June brought a trip to North Carolina for my niece, Liza's, wedding. There was a sweet ceremony on the beach, presided by my dad, and then 10 days of family dinners, exploring Fuquay-Varina, and eating southern things. With June also came a few trips to visit Malibu friends, mostly whenever I was feeling an itch to get out of Ontario (the itch that never stops itching).

 I was home for a total of 4 days before leaving again, this time for Costa Rica! This video of Taylor probably sums up the trip better than I can right now.

July focused mostly around one main event: HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART II. What else is there to life? The midnight premier was a joyous occasion with costumes, laughter, tears (many tears), and a British feast before the movie. Oh and there was that time one of my best friends, rooommaaate, Amanda got engaged. Wait, what? AH! Oh my gush.

Now it's August. My friends are starting to spread across the country to begin the post-grad phase of life. I'll be headed to Arkansass in less than a week to spend some quality time with the lovely Thompson family and my dad, who will be driving with me, then flying back. Then, once I'm back in CA, I'll be making the move to Costa Mesa! Ah, I look forward to it all.

Oui?

Being home for the summer is always.. difficult. My family usually travels so it's hard to get a summer job (not that I'm not so thankful for the vacations! I am!), which leaves me at home with only my imagination and a lot of country music. Many potential activities are are inhibited by the fact that I have no steady income (and now looming loan payments. Oh, dear God.), so more often than not, in order to pass the time, I cook. So far I have concocted a coconut-pineapple coffee cake, pecan-chocolate chip blondies, mushroom-bacon stuffed pork tenderloin, and German chocolate cake balls. One of the biggest perks of spending this summer at home (I haven't lived at home for the past 3 years) is having access to (mostly) unlimited ingredients and fancy bakeware. And since today I've already tried to alleviate my boredom by creating very juvenile watercolor and oil pastel pieces of "art," I've decided to retreat to my faithful fallback. On today's menu: French onion soup. I'm trying out a recipe I got from Smitten Kitchen, one of my new favorite blogs. I wish I knew some cute French phrase to end this with, but alas, I do not.

Well, never mind. My mom can stockpile various dried fruits, apple juice, Bisquick, and popcorn like nobody's business, but when a girl needs some beef broth there's none to be found! Next time, I guess.

Don't Neglect His Love

Why is it that we can experience a feeling of complete wholeness from God, but then are so quick to trade that in for something earthly?

I recently had a conversation with a friend where we discussed our past mistakes and how easy it was to fall back into bad habits. The more we talked, the more I felt an overwhelming empathy for this friend because she was expressing many of the same feelings and struggles I had gone through a year ago-- apathy, lust, forlornness-- general spiritual weakness. Despite our love for God, we were both very quick to replace Him with other, easily accessible things in our lives. We talked about how often the hardest thing to admit to is a loss of footing on your spiritual walk. It's simple enough to confess a sin and say you're sorry, because to err is human; but, to have to admit to flailing in your faith is much more challenging. Not only are you saying you're weak to your sins, but that you're not completely sure how to overcome them-- that they're beginning to swallow you up and it might just be easier to let them. Especially when God is being quiet. It's not even that He's being silent; sometimes He's practically shouting, but we fail to hear Him over the din of our own self-produced mess. Then we complain that He isn't reaching out to us. It's just that sometimes, my flesh is weak and my spirit isn't that willing.

However, in recent months I've learned that I can't just sit back and expect God to cater to my every whim. Like any other relationship, this one needs to have active efforts from both parties. It takes work. It takes time. It takes effort and love and attention. Neglecting my relationship with God had a direct negative affect on my relationship with God. Go figure. Sorry for neglecting you, Jesus.

denial

[I wrote this a long time ago, and never posted it, so here it is.. I'm now 2 weeks away from Thanksgiving break, and in just as much denial, if not more; however, I also haven't thought about this in a while because I've been so distracted by everything going on around me. This means 1) hopefully, I'm accomplishing my goal of sponge-itude and 2) I'm terrified the end of the year is going to sneak up on me whilst distracted and unaware.]

Well, here I am, right smack in the middle of my second week of my senior year of college. HOW, WHEN, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I can remember with notable amounts of detail my very first day of NSO--being overwhelmed by all those orientation leaders and their love for Pepperdine, meeting my first roommate (while the NSO leaders chanted something along the lines of "two souls, meeting for the first time, to be forever tied by the bonds of roommate-hood"), setting up our sherbet-colored room, naming our plants, thinking 'I can't believe I'm lucky enough to spend the next 4 years living my life like this.'

And now those 4 years are coming to a close. I'm in denial. I don't want to believe I might one day have to leave this place where I've learned, laughed, cried, stressed; where I've grown; where I've gained friends and influences I can only consider huge blessings. Pepperdine is home and the thought of leaving it makes me homesick already.

Now I have graduated friends in China and sophomore friends studying overseas and freshmen friends who are just beginning their college journey; and I can't help but be jealous of them all for completely different reasons. But I realize I need to focus on where I am, revel, absorb everything. I will be a sponge.

"I dont care how poor you are--if you have family, you're rich."

It's 9pm and all 7 of my house's current occupants (excluding myself) are in bed. This is because 5 of them are my family visiting from Virginia and North Carolina, 1 is sick, and 1 is a husband who must attend to said sick household member. This leaves me with few options-- read a book in the bathroom (the only room sans sleepers), facebook stalk my future fellow Summer Staffers that I'll actaully get to meet in person in 4 days (already done), or blog. Heyoh, guess which one I picked.

Topic of the night: family.
I come from a big family-- 2 sisters, 1 brother, 12 aunts, 12 uncles, too many cousins to count, 6 nieces, 4 nephews, and 1 grand-nephew (that's right. one of my nieces has a baby). Family events (which include but are not limited to: First Communions, birthday parties, weddings, camping trips, Angels games, and most holidays) are massive gatherings where the noise level is never below a dull roar and you almost always have someone's baby in your arms and you eat more food than you thought humanly possible in a 5 hour time span. I relish those things. There's nothing I love more than spending time with my family because no matter how long it's been since you last saw them or even if you just met them, they are always excited to hear about what you've been up to; they're ready to laugh at your jokes (and of course their own too) and love on you like you've never been loved on before. That's what they're best at--loving. It doesn't matter if you say something hurtful or break something or are always late or end up fighting about some issue, serious or petty (and believe me, there are fights), because my family always always forgives each other and goes right back to loving you like nothing was ever wrong. They are protective but welcoming, stubborn but strong, flawed and yet, perfect. Everyone is everyone else's best friend. We make each other laugh and cry; we teach each other and learn from each other; we follow the examples set before us and we stand as our own examples for those below us. Sure, we have our moments where everything is insanity and we're at each other's throats, but then someone hands you a bowl of pozole and tells you to shut up and join in the game of Texas Hold 'Em and all that love comes rushing back. There's a resiliancy within them that humbles you and makes you feel safe at the same time. Spending time with my family means being surrounded by love (and food). Nothing better.

casey-shaped hole

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRD5EZzReO8

Next week I'm leaving for Young Life camp to be a summer staffer for 3 weeks. Recently I was sent this video from one of the leaders of the camp because some of the staff is going to be performing this for the campers each week.

I watched this video and sobbed.

It's such a beautiful thing knowing how much God loves us and how much He wants us to be happy and unburdened. It's also tragic to think about how often we ignore Him, how flippant we are about His laws for us, how we disregard His will and then blame Him when we run into trouble. A friend and I were once talking about how pastors and church leaders will always tell us how we all have a Jesus-shaped hole in our hearts. This is true. But then she went on to say, "You know, God has a Casey-shaped hole in His heart too." How humbling to know the Lord of everything yearns for me! And you! We're His everything and He should be ours in return.

I came across this verse today. I really like it.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39

I love that our God is such a loving, beautiful, and amazing God.  I'm so pumped for camp and the opportunity to share that with kids!